We’ve all felt it—that pang of jealousy when we see someone else succeeding in a way we wish we were. Maybe it’s a friend who launched a thriving business, a competitor getting media attention, or someone in your industry effortlessly scaling their brand. But what if jealousy wasn’t a negative emotion at all?
According to Mel Robbins, bestselling author and mindset expert, during her appearance on the podcast Feel Better Live More, jealousy is not about them—it’s about you. It’s a powerful signal from your future self, showing you exactly what you want but haven’t pursued. And instead of letting it make you bitter, Robbins says you should let it make you better.
The Truth About Jealousy: It’s Not What You Think
Most people assume jealousy is about wanting what someone else has. But Robbins flips this idea on its head. In her conversation on the Feel Better, Live More podcast, she explains that jealousy is often a reflection of our own unfulfilled potential.
She shares a powerful story about her friend “Molly” (a pseudonym), an experienced interior designer. Molly had spent years talking about updating her website, taking social media seriously, and marketing her business more effectively. But she never did. Then, one day, someone in her friend group—someone with less experience—suddenly launched a stunning website and started getting attention as a designer.
Molly was furious. She felt jealous. But deep down, that jealousy wasn’t about the other woman—it was about the fact that she had been stopping herself from doing exactly what this person had done.
Why We Feel Jealous Instead of Inspired
So why do we get jealous instead of feeling inspired? Robbins breaks it down into three key reasons:
1. We Don’t Believe We’re Capable
When we see someone doing what we wish we could do, we don’t always think, I could do that too. Instead, we tell ourselves, I’m not as lucky, talented, or connected as they are. That self-doubt fuels jealousy.
2. We’re Stuck in Comparison Mode
Social media magnifies jealousy because it shows us the end result—the highlight reel—without showing us the work it took to get there. We compare someone’s Chapter 20 to our Chapter 1, making us feel behind before we even start.
3. We’re Avoiding Taking Action
Jealousy often arises when we know, deep down, that we could be doing more. It’s easier to be resentful than to admit we’ve been procrastinating. But jealousy is actually an invitation—to stop watching and start doing.
How to Use Jealousy as a Growth Tool
Robbins doesn’t see jealousy as a problem. She sees it as a roadmap. Instead of letting it consume you, use it to guide your next steps. Here’s how:
Step 1: Identify the Root Cause
Next time you feel jealous, ask yourself: What exactly am I jealous of? Is it their financial freedom? Their creative expression? Their ability to take risks? This reveals what truly matters to you.
Step 2: Reframe It as Proof, Not a Threat
Instead of thinking, Why them?, shift to If they can do it, so can I. Their success doesn’t take away from yours. It actually proves what’s possible.
Step 3: Take One Small Action
Jealousy without action leads to resentment. So do something today—whether it’s launching that blog, pitching yourself for an opportunity, or simply updating your website. Robbins’ Let Them Theory says: Let them succeed. And let me focus on my own path.
The Freedom of Letting Go
One of Robbins’ biggest revelations is this: No one can take what’s meant for you—only you can block yourself from success.
Instead of wasting energy worrying about what someone else is doing, shift your focus to what you can do. Celebrate their wins, then get to work on creating your own.
Jealousy Is a Signal—Don’t Ignore It
The next time you feel jealous, don’t suppress it—study it. Jealousy isn’t a flaw; it’s a compass. It’s showing you where you need to grow.
So, what’s one thing you’ve been secretly jealous of? And what’s one step you can take today to move toward it?
Let them have their success.
Let yourself go after yours.
